Welcome to February’s edition and we are all about STRESS this month.
“The objective of being human is to grow“. Brianna Wiest.
If we turn to nature as our inspiration, the one thing which requires no handbook or guide lines to survive. It thrives through evolving and adapting to its environment. It’s those species that fail to adapt that cease to exist.
WHAT WE KNOW
Now I know there is a multitude of advice out on the internet, all offering 6 ways, 5 ways, and 10 ways to manage stress but in my view they all address the symptoms of stress, not addressing the causes.
TRIP BACK IN TIME
Before leaving my career in 2020 I had been working for 26 years in what I can only call, toxic and extraordinarily stressful environments in the NHS. It wasn’t the levels of risk I worked and lived with daily. It wasn’t the sadness and trauma of mental health presentations I saw and heard, nor was it the potential for death or violence that was stressful. No, it was the bureaucracy and toxic, unsupportive leadership that wore me down. This was the root cause in my case. This is what I stressed about and lay with my eyes open at 3 am, wrestling with my internal conflict.
Suggestions include taking time off, using guided meditation, staying connected with friends, eating well, and sleep hygiene. None of which help us challenge, adapt to or address the need to change the environment we are existing.
Tell me, when you are stressed out, how many of these solutions are you going to have the headspace for?
BACK IN TIME
Before leaving my career in 2020 I had been working for 26 years in what I can only call, toxic and extraordinarily stressful environments in the NHS. It wasn’t the levels of risk I worked and lived with daily. It wasn’t the sadness and trauma of mental health presentations I saw and heard, nor was it the potential for death or violence that was stressful. No, it was the bureaucracy and toxic, unsupportive leadership that wore me down. This was the root cause in my case. This is what I stressed about and lay with my eyes open at 3 am, wrestling with my internal conflict.
Suggestions include taking time off, using guided meditation, staying connected with friends, eating well, and sleep hygiene. None of which help us challenge, adapt to or address the need to change the environment we are existing.
Tell me, when you are stressed out, how many of these solutions are you going to have the headspace for?
None of those management solutions of mindfulness, taking a break, or changing my diet would have helped me at the height of my stress.
THIS IS THE SECRET
A widely cited definition of stress is a “particular relationship between the person and the environment that is appraised by the person as taxing or exceeding their resources and endangering well-being” (Lazarus & Folkman)
It is what many of the ‘self-help’ and ‘well-being’ cohorts miss out on and do not address. What the definition points to and what I subscribe to is that stress is you reacting to the loss of control and fearing your own vulnerability to the point you are ‘under threat’.
CAN WE DO DIFFERENT?
As I do with all my clients, we must seek the root cause of such fears.
Finding the trigger points to YOUR stress strategy.
I could go on for a whole book on unpicking your specific stress strategy, but to be open, it’s never as successful as working with someone in person. But for now, I want to leave you with something I hope will be the beginnings’ of your growth.
It’s through medical and neuroscientific research that we can prove how you ‘perceive’ something will automatically trigger a reaction. So, let’s work out what angle you are seeing things.
THE SOURCE OF STRESS
Many of you will already be familiar with the UNIVERSAL FEARS. It is said that there are 5universal fears we live with as humans.
1. FEAR OF DEATH – this is about uncertainty, feelings of insecurity, and being lost.
2. FEAR OF OUTSIDERS – rejections, and criticism, what other people think of you, fear of asking for help.
3. FEAR OF FAILING – no clarity on purpose, saving face, starting again, neigh sayers, fear of change, of starting over.
4. FEAR OF CHAOS – pandora’s box, lack of guidance, isolation, no control, lacking clarity
5. FEAR OF INSIGNIFICANCE – not good enough, imposter, stupid, self-loathing
Where if you had to choose one, would your stress level sit under? The suggestions I have made as to how these fears may relate to your stress is purely a suggestion and you will have many versions or even re-align the suggestions to other fears. What’s important is it makes sense to YOU.
Grab a pen and a notepad, and let’s start to explore, taking each fear in turn, until it feels right. Then try that new insight out in the week ahead. Testing it against the stress you have identified. Ask yourself “does this feel true” if it does you can start to ask “how can I influence, correct, or change it”.
I won’t do all of them, just repeat the same process for all 5.
Write out in a long hand and be, as always, be SPECIFIC.
CAN I GIVE YOU AN EXAMPLE?
“I have lost 2 main sources of income because clients want to negotiate prices, which means I am working for nothing”
Take each fear one at a time and ask yourself “Is the stress I am going through feel like I am frightened of
- Death? No, I am very clear on my product, my prices, and value.
- Outsiders? – No for the same reasons.
- Failing? – Could be. I am absolutely 100% invested in XYZ.
- Chaos? – Absolutely. What control have I got? Do I have a plan B.
- Insignificance? Possibly. I am doubting myself. Am I good enough?
AND FINALLY
There is a strong leader amongst these, so I would start there and in the same note book and with the same pen, just allow your thoughts to come out on the page. Use the questions?
“What if I….”
“Then what…”
And always end with
“NOW WHAT”.
If you have got some thoughts to share with me, you know the drill!
If this is something that has pulled at your gut or heart, then I need to let you know this is the exact stuff we will cover on
The Business Owners Master Mind Retreat
in October. The doors are currently being opened softly! If you want to take a sneaky peak!